AS INTERVIEWED BY JIM GRAY, NBC SPORTS VIA CAMEO.COM
Bobby D Cuts
Jim Gray: Bobby, thanks for finding me on Cameo and for giving me the opportunity to make $75. Let’s get right into it. You’re a swing coach, correct?
Bobby D Cuts: Top swing coach. There’s a difference.
Gray: Ok, and you’ve helped dozens(?) of players with your, um, innovative swing tips?
Bobby D: Thousands to hundreds.
Gray: Right. So, um, tell me, what’s the secret to perfect hip rotation in the downswing?
Bobby D: The thing about the downswing is it comes directly after the backswing. You can’t forget that.
Gray: Does that mean the secret to hip rotation in the downswing created in the backswing?
Bobby D: Good question, but before the backswing comes the setup.
Gray: So it’s in the setup then?
Bobby D: I think you’re forgetting about the grip.
Gray: How could hip rotation be influenced by hands on the grip?
Bobby D: Obviously you know nothing about human physiology. Why do you think people feel comfortable putting their hands on their hips? It’s because humans evolved from pterodactyls; and our arms used to make up the structure of the wing with our hands and hips connected. The neurorecepter pathways are still wide open.
Gray: Sort of like the chicken dance?
Bobby D: Exactly like the chicken dance.
Gray: Let’s move on. What is your opinion of Brandel Chamblee?
Bobby D: Despite what the press likes to say, Brandel and I are close friends and I respect him greatly. Funny story, back in ‘94, we were neck and neck at the Abierto International Open in Chile and I let him win in exchange for 75% of the purse. Afterwards we met up by a dumpster behind an abandoned KFC and he told me he was only going to give me 50%. I was furious but what was I going to do? Challenge Brandel to a fight? No thank you. Most people don’t remember but Brandel, the feisty Golf Channel personality, was also a champion wrestler who could figure four you in less than 7 seconds. Guy made thousands of dollars wrestling on Mondays and Tuesdays as this Polish strongwoman character by the name of “Brandy Chamblofski”. Picture Van Damme in those early fight sequences of the movie Lionheart, except it was mud wrestling with pretty ladies and not full-contact no-rules martial arts in a mostly empty swimming pool.
Gray: That does not sound remotely true but I’ll leave it alone. How about telling me your favorite memory as a professional golfer?
Bobby D: I was playing in a non-sanctioned European Tour event in Bulgaria and was winning the tournament by 6 shots on the final day. I pipe my drive on the long tight par 4 12th hole and I turn to my caddy – in front this huge crowd – and tell him he is fired. The guy says, “Fired? Bobby D, what the fuck?? We’re going to win!” I nod coolly and look off into the Balcan mountain range. “Yes, I know that,” I say, “But I’m flushing every shot, what do I need you for?” He then starts crying, calls me an asshole and shouts, “Well don’t forget to flush!” In my mind I’m like, yes I’ll remember that, and I’ll remember to trademark it and make millions off it. I didn’t need anyone riding my coat tails. I still don’t.
Gray: I don’t think that story is as flattering as you think it is but let’s move on. Why so many catch phrases? Shouldn’t “don’t forget to flush” be enough?
Bobby D: I guess so, but then “time to take the donuts” came around and I couldn’t not use it.
Gray: I feel very conflicted because I really don’t care to know the origin story of “time to take the donuts” but I also want to stop talking and be closer to getting this interview over with.
Bobby D: Of course, no problem. The story is I got into some legal trouble in the late 90s and as part of my community service I gave motivational speeches at schools. My lecture was sort of like the Mike Rowe “Dirty Jobs” bs in that I did a deep dive on the Duncan Donuts marketing campaign “Time to Make the Donuts.” If you remember, the donut guy would wake up every morning super early so there would be fresh donuts for everyone. Pretty cool I guess, but cooler in my mind would be if you didn’t just make the donuts, but took them. Take them where? I don’t know. But take them so no one else could eat them.
Gray: Speaking of eating donuts, what do you think of Bryson’s new body?
Bobby D: I’ve been saying this for years but golf is meant to be played between 275-325 pounds. Just look at Guy Boros and Tim Herron! With what we know now about golf fitness, there is no telling how good they could have been. Bulk up and ye shall reap the rewards, I often tell my juniors.
Gray: Sounds completely irresponsible. Ok, last question before I punch myself in the face. Which of your students have been the most rewarding to teach?
Bobby D: Probably the Make-A-Wish kids. They’re all terrible golfers but I can trust them with my swing secrets.
Gray: Ok we’re done here. Next time please reach out to Holly Sonders. She needs your Cameo money more than I do.